Posted by: Daisy | October 15, 2008

Soul searching

Do you ever feel like you’re trying to find something, like yourself?  Just who are you and what do you really want?

Sometimes, I think I know, and other times, I know I don’t know.  Some days, I wish I could be one of those people who just always knew they wanted to be a doctor, teacher, or lawyer – you know the type, and live happily ever after pursuing and living that dream.

My dreams, on the other hand are quite abstract and shall we say, a little fuzzy.  Clearly, I dream of moments and circumstances – what makes my heart go aflutter are the intangibles of a moving target that changes as my learning changes.  Sometimes, these intangibles drive others NUTS.  “Just why can’t you speak in clear words about chairs and things?  Why does it have to be abstract IDEAS?”  Ha ha. 

What I needed 10 years ago, is far different than what I need now, or 10 years from now.  Not even – 10 months from now.  I keep learning, growing and changing along with my new target, for the truth is, I keep attaining and surpassing those close-by targets and then find the view is a little different as I head towards new ones.  I wish I could see the final target – just what is it?  Yet, it is very possible there is no end because there are so many possibilities and opportunities that my brain is not able to understand. 

Sometimes I seem to get a clearer picture, and then just as quickly, I’ll lose the moment  – just what was that clear, defined picture of, and how do I get it back?

For those who always had an end-goal – I’m happy for you.  For those like me – it can be a frustrating but also enjoyable journey of contrasts, learning and agility training.  I wonder what’s up ahead and how it will change my life.

– Daisy

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Responses

  1. Hey Sweetie,
    Oh yes, I get this. But you know…I think our end goal is whatever we want it to be. It can be one thing that lasts a lifetime or many things that change over time. If you are enjoying the journey then maybe that is the end goal in itself. The main thing though seems to me to be that whatever the goal, fuzzy or clear it should make you happy when you arrive. They are all up to you and should only adhere to your standards, you know?
    Annie

    Yes, Yes and YES. I think you can have goals that are both.. some are the journey, and others may be like an end goal… I suppose the great thing is that I have been enjoying the journey most of the time, and that only on those days/times when I’m not quite sure.. then I wonder.. am I lost or am I still on the right path here? Speaking of journeys, I’ll likely do a bunch of photos documenting a special trip sometime late next week. I can’t wait! – Daisy


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