Posted by: Daisy | December 10, 2008

December Blues

We all know childhood experiences have a big impact on our adult lives, and even though I know this to be true, I am still astounded at the fact that I still don’t like December.  Decades later, I still roll into December, with the idea that this month has got to be the worst month of the 12. 

I suppose it started many, many years ago.  I was new to Canada, new to the language, and new to the culture.  Whenever I did begin to pick up the language, there was something that I clearly did hear but did not understand.  I didn’t get the whole Santa thing.  Everyone told me that Santa made a list and checked it twice.  I could not understand why Santa never came to my home.  Ever.  I knew that I was a pretty good kid, and I certainly should have been on the nice list, but I suppose no older, wiser folks ever thought they needed to tell me the in’s and out’s of Santa.  Not even the teacher.  I suppose I could have asked questions, but back then, it seemed strange to ask, “Why don’t I get Christmas presents?” when clearly the obvious answer is, “Well, you must not have been a good little girl?!!”.  Who wants to hear that?  So I didn’t ask.  I just hoped that this year, maybe this year, I’ll have been good enough.

I’d have to listen to others who in my opinion may not have been as good, and yet, they’d regale me with a list of all their fabulous gifts from parents, aunts, uncles and even the oh so special Santa.  Geez Louise, I know life is not about gifts, however, the years and years and years of no Santa, and no gifts really made me think something funny about me.  And if I listened to my young self perhaps growing up fast, I should have put two and two together and realized for some people, there is no Santa, but I suppose in a family where money was scarce – I really wanted to believe.  I didn’t want anything extravagent, I just wanted to believe in something amd Santa seemed as good an entity as any other.

Sometimes, being a kid is a tough gig.

I still dislike December.  At least now I can give him the gifts, thoughts and ideas that I always wanted to believe in.

– Daisy

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Responses

  1. Aw… It sounds like you need someone to buy you a great big cuddly teddy bear for December. Being a kid is tough, but when you get older you get the chance to fix some things, either in your own life, or in the lives of your children.

    Robert

    Robert, heh heh heh.. thanks for the support. I think in the past, I’ve purchased items for myself to feel better – you know, things like diamonds and 18K gold (kidding, but you get the idea) but I don’t think I ever tried a cuddly bear. Now, I simply buy my little guy a bunch of toys (like Lego) and things I wish I had when I was younger – Daisy

  2. (((Hugs))) I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you. I agree with Robert a big cuddly teddy bear would be just the thing for you.

    But where in the world do I put a big cuddly bear?!!! Sigh. I think I’ll just borrow one of my kid’s and hang out with Marty (the Zebra) for the next few weeks! 🙂 Thanks Mrs. V and it’s great to have you back. – Daisy

  3. Aw Daisy girl, no Christmas when you were a little girl? ((((hugs))))) I can imagine you did think there was something wrong with you, with everyone around you in the Santa/Christmas groove. I’m glad you can give him all those things…that’s sweet – but don’t forget to give yourself those things too because you are special.

    Annie

    Thanks Annie – I do remember to give myself stuff these days/years/decades… I am always just so surprised at how a GROWN woman can still have such a reaction to something from so long ago?!!! – Daisy


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