Posted by: Daisy | January 12, 2009

Say anything

It sometimes behooves me the kind of information people will share with me. The other day, an acquaintance (in this case, someone who I see weekly, but don’t have much opportunity to talk to) told me she had an abortion. To say that this bit of news astounded me would be an understatement. I was completely shocked that she would share something that personal with me. What was even more incredulous was the way she spoke of it. I’d estimate that she’s in her 30’s or 40’s and I know she already has 2 kids, the youngest already in school. They did not plan to have another child and so this latest pregnancy was obviously a surprise. I do understand what surprise means, and I also understand the ‘inconvenience’ it can seem like when you think you’re done with the babying times. However, even if this came at the most inopportune time, I would never ever tout this a horrid experience and start blaming doctors or husbands for the state I was in. If I remember correctly, it takes two to tango. And if I did say something like “this is all your fault” whilst pointing a finger at the hubby, I would surely be saying it in jest like I remember saying during the most painful parts of the pregnancy!

I know this is a touchy topic, and I’m trying very hard not to get too irate in this post because clearly this bothered me.

When she bemoaned in sorrow about her horrid experience, all I could think of were the famillies who have been trying for many years to get pregnant. Or the growing number of people who have gone through the heart-wrenching rituals at doctors and clinics to help get pregnant. Then, I thought of all the “surprise” children that I know of (myself included) and mentally thanked the parents who decided to keep their surprise gifts.

Don’t get me wrong – I am pro-choice and don’t have a problem with abortion per se. However, I do have my personal limits and thoughts on when it may make sense to have an abortion and they tend to be on more extreme cases. But that’s personal. With choice, comes the realization that each woman can choose her own thoughts and limits on what she is comfortable with and I am okay with that. However, we should never assume that we all have the same values as each other.

We rarely ever time things perfectly. Whether it’s buying or selling stocks, buying a house, or car, or having kids. Some people get pregnant too early, some late, some never at all. In my opinion, children are a precious gift at any time and should be treated as such.

– Daisy

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Responses

  1. I think it’s hard to make that kind of a blanket statement about when abortion should be acceptable. There could be a million reasons why your friend chose to terminate her pregnancy that she didn’t tell you about – health concerns, monetary issues, issues in their relationship.

    I am someone who never wants to have children (for a lot of different reasons). I have friends who are going through fertility problems and I have friends who waited years to have the opportunity to adopt a child. None of them would want me to have children just because they couldn’t/can’t. We all have to do what’s right for our own personal set of circumstances. And it’s precisely when children are NOT thought of a “precious gift” that we shouldn’t be having them.

    Hey Mac, I think we are in general agreement here. Everything you commented is absolutely true, and there are far more reasons behind people’s decisions, especially about something as serious as this. What I was trying to say in my original point is that 1) we all do have our own ideas for when/if it is appropriate, and they are all very different so it was definately not my intention to write a ‘blanket statement’ that applies to everyone, and 2) that because there are so many factors/reasons, and that it is so personal, it is not something that someone should simply come out and confess to another.

    To put it another way, it would be like going to your favourite coffee shop where you see the staff on a regular basis, and say hi. The staff know you likely by what you take in your coffee, what you wear, and when you typically come in. Then one day, you tell one of the counter staff after you order your coffee that you had an abortion over the holidays because you already have 2 kids and don’t want any more. If I were the counter staff, I’d be thinking this is none of my business. Sorry if I wasn’t clearer in the original post – Daisy

  2. Well said. I think it would’ve shocked me too. It’s not a decision that you just share with anyone. I wonder if she’s burdened with sorrow, guilt or whatever emotions are circling around in her mind, and felt the urge to share at that moment.

    Anyway, I thought you wrote your opinion and thoughts very well.

    Thanks Mrs. V – I always appreciate your support and thoughts – it never occurred to me, that, yeah, maybe she did feel the urge at that moment. I do hope she’s doing better and less angry. – Daisy

  3. I’m shocked an ‘acquaintance’ would share that kind of experience.
    I don’t think the issue is whether or not she should have had an abortion, but the fact that she’s so forthcoming with the details.
    I should think that is something to share with close friends and family and not just somebody in passing.
    Each to their own I suppose.
    It is sad to say that in England today, that is the sort of behaviour you almost come to expect of young girls, but a mother? In her 30s/40s?

    Yes, it was the level of personal information to an almost stranger that shocked me. Thanks for the visit SF. – Daisy

  4. I agree with Mrs. V. Perhaps she is looking for consolation or support by telling people. I feel for her. I wouldn’t think that would be an easy decision to make, regardless of the reasons for it.


    You know, once I got over my shock, those are the thoughts that are swirling in my head now.. that I feel for her, and hope she’s okay. Thanks for the visit Debra. – Daisy


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