Posted by: Daisy | May 27, 2009

In transition and feeling the pressure?

I personally know a lot of people in transition and what I’ve heard from too many of them is that they are feeling the pressure from their spouses and family to “Get a job, any job!” and I cringe each time I hear that.  When employed, we spend so much of our waking moments in our jobs, and if we’ve got the wrong job, it grates on us each and every day.  I’d venture to say that the stress of the wrong role shortens our lives!

Do you remember the person who

  • curses the daily long commute every day and starts the day in a miserable mood? 
  • hates his/her boss?
  • despises the daily grind of the work they do?
  • snaps at colleagues, customers, or worse?

I can see you nodding.  You’ve been there, or know people who have done that, and you already have a taste for what it feels like to be miserable Monday to Friday.  If you happen to be the spouse or loved one of someone in transition, this is likely an extremely fragile time for their ego and confidence.  They already feel the pressure from themselves and the last thing needed is the pressure from you to ‘take anything’.

Everyone has their own tipping point from a financial and emotional standpoint, however, I’d suggest that clear communications, support and understanding from the loved ones is what is of vital importance during this time.

For all the spouses and partners who are putting the pressure on – let it go just a little please.  What they really need is your support, and not your pressure.  For those who are looking, there is tons of support out there from others who are also looking.  It’s a matter of finding the right group(s) for you.  A little group therapy where you rail at the gods and say “$@#%!%?” doesn’t hurt when you’re with like-minded professsionals who support each others efforts.

Good luck, and don’t be so hard on yourself or others.

– Daisy

P.S. Instead of saying to someone, “Have you found a job yet?”, ask them “What have you been up to lately?”

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Responses

  1. How right you are, I have not worked for nearly two years now, because I was told that my job would kill me if I didn’t sort myself out. My hubby bless him as never once been negitive, saying don’t even think about it until you are really ready. There have been times when I have thought I should take any job so that I am bringing in money, but hubby always says no because you wouldn’t enjoyed that and I like having ‘my wife’ not a reck. However my sister never fails to have a go, her opening line everytime I see her is ‘got a job yet? wish I could aford to stay at home’ I won’t say what hubby tell’s me to tell her, but I think he may tell her himself soon!

    We need to limit the time we spend with those who are less supportive and sometimes, it helps if hubby takes it upon himself to say a few choice words! – Daisy

  2. I have been out of work for five months now. I am extremely lucky in that my wife puts no pressure on me at all. (Not so true of my friends but they mean well). Actually my wife does the reverse. If I start talking about a job that would actually mean a step backward in both position and wage, as I did recently, she works to prove that it would be do-able. As you say, the most pressure comes from me. I am so desperate to get back to work that I consider posts that I would normally ignore. Not only for financial reasons but purely to get back to feeling more useful.

    I know what you mean about ‘feeling useful’ and I think this is another reason why it is so important to have other interests and realize that you are contributing to society in plenty of other ways. Having plenty of interests, helping out others, and generally giving our time to support others is so important in realizing our lives are not only defined by our work. – Daisy

  3. You are so right on with this post.

    I worked once in a doctor’s office and hated every minute of it because I was surrounded by negative co-workers. It was almost as if the more negative you were, the more popular you became. For example, once I was criticized by one of the nurses, “Why are you always so nice to the people on welfare? Don’t waste your friendliness on them because we never get full payment from them anyway.” Yet, when I talked to my friends about quitting, they would just say, “Are you kidding? That is a great job! You’d better stay.” And so I stayed and stayed until finally the negativity was killing me and I quit. Then I had to listen to, “What? You haven’t found a new job yet?” I knew this time though, to wait for something that was a good match.

    Good thoughts, Daisy.

    Thanks Randi. I agree that negativity from others can really drain you, especially someone like you Randi who is so giving! I too have been there, and done that, and know what I want to avoid. – Daisy

  4. […] knack for distilling ideas into short phrases.  We were both surprised that my recent post about transitions coincided with his post about finding opportunity.  When I commented about having a personal […]

  5. I’m in a sort of transition myself. I teach part time, and am looking for something to do (job/career wise) on the days I do not teach. I do not wish to relinquish my teaching job, because I love it, but I’m not sure what I’m going to do those 2 days a week. (There aren’t very many options.) It is a sore spot with me when hubby brings it up. I have faith that it’ll happen when it happens, LOL. Maybe I’m too laid back about it, who knows.

    I didn’t realize your teaching was only part-time – all I can say is that it is obvious you love what you do, and I’d like to live my life doing what I love. My hubby knows what I’m like when I don’t love it, and wouldn’t dare suggest that I find anything less than ideal! 🙂 – Daisy

  6. Hi Daisy,
    Great advice. Most of us have been in this situation at one time or another and the tension can build quickly to the point where some little negative side comment can cause an explosion!!
    As you mentioned in another post, surrounding yourself with positive people who share is very important and can help tremendously. I am self employed as a manufacturers sales rep but every day I wake up I have 30 days notice – that’s all they have to give me if they decide to change things. I try to start most days listening to short motivational tapes or mp3’s – try it, it really helps get your head in the game (life, that is)
    Great to be enjoying your Sunday class again!!
    Cheers, Trevor

    Explosive reaction eh? Yeah, I think I know what those are, and it all depends on what the day/week has been like, our mood, etc. Great that those tapes/mp3’s help you centre yourself for the day.

    Glad you’re back and don’t forget to take it easier – Daisy


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