Posted by: Daisy | August 24, 2009

A real hug

3rd time’s a charm supposedly.  This is my third try at writing a post.  I’ve got a lot to write, but can’t seem to focus it and turn it into something that seems coherent, so bear with me.

The short story:

I’ve been on a 3 day conference.
I’m exhausted.
I will write more about it.

One of the speakers said something that really made me reconsider what I do.  Someone told him that he wasn’t very good at hugs and he was a little offended at that statement.  Who wants to be told you’re not good at giving hugs?  Everyone wants to think they are good at giving hugs, right?  I’m going to fast-forward and simply describe what he did.  He chose someone from the audience and gave her a hug.  A full bear-hug full of warmth, and as he’s hugging her, he continues to talk and says, “and when the other person starts to move away, it’s time to pull them in closer.  And when the other person is starting to get really uncomfortable, it’s time to pull them in even tighter, and at some point, you’ll get to a place where, wow, it’s a real, geniune, full hug.”  Okay, he obviously said it much better than that, though I don’t recall his exact words.  I realized in watching and listening, that I’m not a very good hugger.  Oh my, how did this happen to me?!!

They say that recognizing the problem is the first step.

The stranger (audience member who he hugged) said, “oh, that was really nice” when they were done, and you could see, and feel the difference that kind of a hug can make in people.

The buck stops here.  I’m going to give great hugs from now on.

– Daisy



  1. Where does the queue start? 🙂

    You just make me day. Consistently. Thanks! – Daisy

  2. Have I got this right, if I hug someone when they start to pull away I have to hug them more?

    Not sure about this one, if someone is hugging me and I start to pull away it’s because I have had enough and don’t want to be hugged any more.

    Yeah, it does seem strange, yet, as you watch it in progress, you start to get it – the initial feeling is that enough is enough because we are a fast paced society and don’t take the pleasure and time in *really* appreciating it. It’s about taking the time, and when someone forces us to take the time, it does end up being really.. nice – I know I’m the former, “give a quick hug and be done with it” kind, and now I suppose I’m going to give it more of the time it deserves. I’m going to force everyone I hug, to give me more time – to give *us* more time because we deserve it.

    Sidenote – I always give my son a bigger, longer hug than anyone else – I suppose I know how precious that time is and I want to cherish every moment with him – Daisy

  3. LOM – you have said exactly what I was going to – you continue when the person has stiffened up? Wow! that’s brave!!


    It feels really good once you get past that little hump, then everyone’s really relaxed and realized.. wow, this feels really good! – Daisy

  4. You’re so right! We give cursory hugs, hugs that mean about as much as:

    “Hi, how are ya?”

    “Doin’ good.”


    We say those things without really meaning “How ARE you?” We basically use it as another way to say “hi.” Same with The Hug. We give someone a quick hug, hoping that they will interpret that to mean “I care about you.” We don’t really give them the hug that will allow them to feel it in their soul. Very interesting…

    *****HUUUUUGGGGGG***** How ARE you Randi? – Daisy

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