Posted by: Daisy | October 8, 2009

Men and Women from Outerspace

This is an oldie, but goodie that got delivered to my inbox today. I thought I’d share it in case you needed to crack a tiny smile – Daisy
**********************
Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered
by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class
assignment:

The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to
me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails
and anything you wish to say must be written! in the e-mail. The story is
over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca (PINK)
Gary (BLUE).

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

(second paragraph by Gary )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a ! year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he
said into his transgalactic communicator. ” Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distra! ct her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why
must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

( Gary )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast o! f Guam , felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Gary )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ” Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F–KING TEA??? Oh no,
what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)

A$$h@le.

( Gary )

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

( Gary )

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ – I really liked this one.

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Responses

  1. Thank you, thank you. I actually laughed so hard my colleagues thought I was having a fit. What a great way to start my day.

    Start your day?!! I almost had a heart attack since of course, your start of the day is my sleepy-sleepy-bedtime. Ha ha. I thought for a brief moment I should send you an email, and we can do the exercise described where I write one paragraph, and then you write one. And at the end, we’d post it on both our sites. But then I thought that it may not work since you’d just find some really cool videos and I’d be left with words. Plus, we both don’t normally write fiction. Bah! What do you think? Do you want to have a go of it?!!! I promise, no swearing on my part! 😉 – Daisy

    • I think that is an excellent idea. I promise no videos, facts, nerdiness or anything else that can spoil a good story. Does WordPress let you see my email address or do you need me to send you a tester?

      Finally…Something worthwhile to blog about. 🙂

      Oh boy. I’m giggling with anticipation to see the first paragraph! And I don’t mind the nerdiness at all! I’m wondering if I should write about a cup of tea. – Daisy

      • Oh and I cannot promise not to swear. 🙂

        I suppose swearing is okay. I’ll just bleep it out or something on mine – Daisy

  2. That was so funny! I was laughing so hard that my husband had to finally mute Leno just to find out what was so darned funny. Then he started laughing because he has a son who would have responded exactly like “Gary.” Good one!

    I LIKE GARY! I mean really, I appreciated his interesting words/planets, and world. Now, if only I could write like Gary.. that’d be even cooler. I’m very tempted to write about what kind of tea to drink… – Daisy

  3. Just loved that one Dasiy.

    Yeah, pretty funny. I loved the guy’s version of the story! – Daisy


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