Posted by: Daisy | November 19, 2009

Draft #4

This is the 4th time I’ve tried writing a post today. It’s a tough subject for me, however I feel compelled to write it.

When I was in Grade 7 and Grade 8, a teacher changed my perceptions. She taught me something about myself that was so new to me, I really didn’t understand. It was the first time in the public school system that I finally felt like I could do something well. No, I didn’t struggle in school – from a school standpoint, I always did okay to well, and was one of those kids who didn’t need attention – I didn’t have academic problems, nor behavioural issues, so teachers just ignored me. I was used to that. My goal was to not be noticed – I performed well as a wallflower.

So, when this teacher began to tell me and show me that she believed in me, I was floored. If it’s possible, for the first time, I think I finally felt acceptance and love – that she appreciated all my capabilities, from my strengths to my weaknesses. She praised me when I did well, and showed me how to improve. Everytime she spoke, it could only be explained as warm and accepting of my efforts, skills, and growth. She eased me away from wallflower profile I was so comfortable with, slowly put me into the spotlight and told me I could.

One day in Grade 8, someone important to me made me cry. They told me I wasn’t good enough. My teacher took the time and made me take a moment in private. I don’t remember exactly what she said to me, but the general summary of it was that sometimes, people just don’t understand who we are, or just how special we are. All I really remembered was the thought and idea that my teacher understood me, knew me and still liked me, just the way I was. She went further to say that other peoples’ opinions are not nearly as important as what you believe about yourself. She told me that in her professional opinion, I had very strong skills and that I had to believe in myself first and foremost.

All my life, I had no confidence, really didn’t think I was worth much, and generally thought I wasn’t good enough. She was the first who showed me otherwise, and when I doubted, she again showed me.

It has taken me a very long time to gain confidence and believe in myself. It’s been an uphill battle, and with each step, I’m so thrilled and happy that I had help along the way from key people who have believed in me and pushed me further. Many do not recognize that little Grade 8 girl in me now and though I can have my moments of self-doubt, I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many who believe in me, and accept me, just the way I am.

– Daisy

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Responses

  1. Reminds me of a great quote: “We are all looking for someone who will make us do what we can” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    What I love about your posts, and especially about your personal stories, is that they seem so universal! I think many people have struggled to find believe in self, with a key person helping at critical turning points in our lives.

    Thanks for the great stories.

    Cheers – G.

    You’re very welcome.. and of course thank you! – Daisy

  2. When you write about these kind of subjects, you have a remarkable knack in bringing out the paternal instinct in me and making me want to give you a hug. I will restrain myself. 🙂

    I am quite the reverse. At school I was invincible and was bubbling over with confidence; perhaps a little too much of it. It is only in recent years I suffer from self-doubt and self-esteem issues. I try not to let it affect me but it is a battle. Perhaps that’s why I spend a lot of time nurturing my inner-child? Well that’s my excuse.

    It never occurred to me that it could go the other way?! Makes me wonder what changed in recent years to make you feel this way? – P.S. I’m always happy to get a hug.. or perhaps you could just send me an image of a big fluffy stuffed bear or something? Daisy

    • One bear coming up. 🙂

      I think it was a combination of things. In no particular order…Losing my father, being made redundant, reaching a certain age, my best friend losing four children, relationship problems. All happening at the same time. I’m much better now but for a while I was a complete mess and went through some lets say…dark times.

      Like you, friends that knew me from school would not have recognised me, but for a different reason.

      Thanks for the fluffy bear. Yes, having any of those would be stressful, and having all of them at the same time would test all of us. Glad you’re on the other side. I don’t remember.. was blogging something you started at the same time, or picked up again? – Daisy

      • I had an old blog on a completely different subject which I have since deleted.
        I started a this one before things started to change but I have purposely kept all the bad stuff out. I refer to it of course but I try to keep it to a minimum.

        Yeah, I do wonder at times what to write/post as once it’s out, it’s out. – Daisy


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