Posted by: Daisy | September 8, 2010

You’re wrong

I am well aware of the phrases one uses (I use) that is not helpful in any relationship whether it’s with your spouse, children, friends or coworkers. There will always be people who say things we disagree with, and our first inclination may be to give them our 2 cents worth. We tend to jump to “You’re wrong”, “Are you nuts?”, “That’s not the way I see it”, and other just as challenging phrases. Worst, some of us simply just clam up to avoid the argument about a seemingly impossible difference of opinion. I have discovered that understanding what crazy thought they have, and how they arrived at it is a better approach.

To that end, I like to ask probing questions…

Crazy Person:
“Widgets are the demise of the free world.”

Sane Self:
“What kind of problems are Widgets causing, and why?”
“Is it really the Widget that is the problem, or the person holding the Widget?”
“Why do you think the people holding the Widget are doing that?”
“What are some ways we can help them find better ways to channel their energy?”
“What is really motivating them, and what are they really trying to do?”

If you ask clarifying questions to consider what exactly helped them to their conclusion will either potentially change their thinking and/or your own on the same subject. At the end of the day, instead of handing them your conclusions on a platter that they likely don’t wish to hear, you can always better understand the thought processes they went through to come to their conclusion.

What’s also surprising is that as you begin to dialogue on the topic, they’ll likely also want to hear your thoughts on what you think.

Oh, don’t even think that I don’t use the words “You’re wrong”, “Are you nuts?” and “That’s not the way I see it” – I just know there are better phrases to use, if only I could relax long enough to think about it.

– Daisy

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Responses

  1. your right.

    Sometimes, you really crack me up LOM! 🙂 – Daisy


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