Posted by: Daisy | December 6, 2010

I don’t care what you call me

It was either 2000, or 2001, a troubled year when I was turning some milestone age that I had difficulty with. My friend and I went out for dinner. On this particular night, I was likely feeling sorry for myself or some such silly thing. Then the waiter did the unthinkable. He called me ma’am. This young waiter was likely 5 years younger than me (okay, I lie.. but at most he was 10 years younger than me), and in no book of mine, was a little KID allowed to call me ma’am. He could call me sista, or Miss.. but ma’am? Who the hell did he think I was. I wasn’t about to let him get away with this. I immediately called him out on it, and told him there was no way he was going to call me ma’am again. I told him that ma’am was for old folks, people decades older than him.. not me. Conversation turned to him not knowing what he should call us since he did not know our names. Ahhh, then it became interesting… he didn’t know what to call us. I’m sure I basically said, “I don’t care what you call me, but I’d rather you call me b*tch than ma’am. I then pointed to my buddy and said, “and you can call him b*st*rd”.

Well, our fine young waiter was not quite sure what to make of this, but he soon figured it out. “I’m serious. Call me ma’am and I just might wollop you on the head.”

Well, did we not have the funnest time we’ve ever had at a restaurant. Ever the gentleman, he’d refer to us by our requested names in the kindliest, gentlemanly way, “Is there anything else I can get for you, B*tch?”, “B*st*rd, would you like another beer?”. Now, he didn’t exactly call us loudly for fear other patrons nearby would not find this as amusing as we did, but I think that only added to the entertainment. It was, what I’d consider the most entertainment I had for the simple price of dinner, and a few drinks.

Perhaps he said this to encourage a larger tip, however, I think he was honest when he told us we were the most entertaining folks he’s ever served.

It’s been so long, and another dreadful birthday is approaching… perhaps I should be entertained by some waiter 20 years my junior with some light-hearted name calling once again.

– Daisy



  1. I insist on being called ma’am, I also insist they bow and back away from the table.

    🙂 I can see that – Daisy

    • oh and I like your new header, very wintery

      you must thank jono for the header

  2. Haha. Fair play to the waiter. I bet he is still telling that story to people he meets. “let me tell you about this wacky couple that came in to my restaurant once…”

    Nice one Daisy…Oh…Wait…It is ok to call you Daisy right? 🙂

    I’m sure he tells the story of that time in 2000 or 2001

    • lovely header jono

      English lass: That’s lovely of you jono
      English lad: Why thank you lom
      English lass: Would you like some tea and biscuits?
      English lad: Why that would be brilliant lom…

      • Thank you lom. Daisy has always been very kind about my pictures so I wanted to create one especially for her blog, but sadly I got the layout a bit wrong to fit in to the banner. You can see the original here.

        English lass: That’s lovely of you jono
        English lad: Why thank you lom
        English lass: Would you like some tea and biscuits?
        English lad: Why that would be brilliant lom…

      • It is a lovely shot

  3. You must be a very persuasive person, Daisy. I try to get my waiters/waitresses to call me “Lord and Master”, but they never go for it. I wonder why? 😦

    I’m not sure I could get them to call me Lord and Master either. But then again, if you bring you lovely Aussie accent to Canada, it might be easier? – Daisy

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